i tried to own you, keep you to myself
we could have lived together in the cove
drinking from coconuts,
sucking on mangoes
making love under full silver moons.

but you sifted right through my hand…
no matter how hard i tried,
couldn’t hold on to black sand.

it was you all along
but it was never me…
i couldn’t even save a sample
to take back home
and forever have proof of your perfection.

my golden skin
shined only in your presence,
becoming slightly magnetic
but i didn’t have enough of a pull
to keep you from slipping…through…my fingers.

you still sifted right through my hand…
no matter how hard i tried,
couldn’t hold on to black sand.

no volcanic eruption’s
wicked lava flow
could come close to creating
this igneous rock
that left my heart a black stone.

so i left you on an island
in some untraceable sea
knowing that i’ll never find you again
but you’ll always be my
black sand.

It was a slow conversation,
weighed down by heavy layers
of tension and uneasiness
after 3 weeks gone unspoken.
but we sat there, the silence
thickening over the line.

for a while, it’s been difficult
to voice my concerns,
what i’ve learned, what i think,
and curiosity about his stance:
i wanted to express these things
but my tongue remained still.

do i spill my emotions,
when he silences his so well?
i’ve taken my heart off my sleeve;
too much of me was vulnerable.
do i cut her out again
so i may tell him how i feel?
but what’s the use, when all he’ll do
is take it in with no response.

it’s not as if something will change;
miracles don’t happen
in the absence of concern.
he’d have to want it, which he won’t.
i’d have to fight for it,
which i can no longer do.

so i’m left with a choice:
say it now and free myself,
exhale these thoughts that keep me
sinking in diluted love.
or hold it down with lock and key
and digest it on my own
so i may silently struggle
and forever hold my peace.

How could it be like any of these things
When the truth is…
It wasn’t even close to similar;
This is simply
exactly
how it was.

But who cares.
It’s not like
I fell in love.

A butterfly’s wings
Envelope the essence
Of each blink and stride,
Sending echoes of motion
That transform his movements
Into a fingerprinted force
Of air against my skin,
Turning a warm breeze
Into an invisible embrace.

A strong dose of dark rum
poured into the most beautiful mold of a man
with glitter in his smile
and gold in his eyes.
enthralled by it all,
I tried to catch it in a jar:
the beauty of his noise,
his touch, his scent
but the echoes of his voice,
pressure of his fingerprints,
the beats of his heart
all broke the glass
and the love I was collecting
went as quickly as it came…
fading into the wind
like the spirits of love past.

1. The Back Tap. I call this that ever-so-gentle pat on the back that people give others when they are greeting someone out of mere courtesy rather than caring. it usually involves one arm stretched behind the subject’s back, with the bodies separated enough to leave personal room between the two. it is an impersonal, “hello and goodbye” greeting and i’d be slighted to even call it a form of a hug. Kiss Factor: one on the cheek, if even.

2. The Uncomfortable Grasp. This is that awkward hug that is almost forced for whatever reason. Sorta like when you know the conversation is ending but you don’t quite know how to initiate the good-bye that preceeds the hug. Even harder is trying to figure out who should initiate it. these hugs are as annoying as they are common. it could be because you like the person and are shy, or it could be because you’d rather kiss them but want to try hugging them first to see what the chances of slipping a kiss in are, or maybe you just aren’t that familiar with the person and don’t know how to handle the situation. i say just say your good-byes and initiate the hug yourself to get it over with. Kiss Factor: shoot…if you even manage to get that far. if you succeed, it’s probably going to be a peck.

3. The Lover’s Embrace. do i really need to explain this? it’s that annoyingly annoying (yeah, i said it) hug that two people who are sickeningly in love share…it probably involves kisses but who the hell can tell when they are so entangled like that? (ok, clearly i’m against couples right now. but can you blame me?) Kiss Factor: ….hm. take your best guess.

4. The Longing Linger. it could be because you haven’t seen each other in a while, or maybe it’s just that you love each other’s presence so much that appreciating the hug before anything else is that important. i love these hugs; they are so genuine, because it usually sums up all the feelings that a person has for you in one single sweep of the arms. the more you’ve missed someone, the longer you’ll hug them. Kiss Factor: something so long, soft and sweet that it’s adorable.

5. The Hang-me-on. sometimes the hug is five seconds overboard; sometimes it’s so long that you forget the need to let go. but with the Hang-me-on, someone is simply taking advantage of the damn situation. you may not even want to hug them, but they sure are making it clear that they want to hug you at a minimum. a tricky situation to get out of too… i usually pretend that something is itching my leg or that i’ve dropped something so that i have an excuse to bend down and thus free myself. (it works everytime.) Kiss Factor: some negative percentage that i need not specify.

6. the Silent Seduction. Bless the soul of anyone who experiences this hug. it is all types of dangerous. it is that grip of wanting that you can only escape once the person releases you. trust me, no dropping of imaginary objects or bites by imaginary bugs can save you from this one. you may as well enjoy it and i hope, for your sake, that it’s with someone you want that kind of hug from. let’s not even talk much about the length of the hug, which is long enough to remember but short enough to crave. what i really want to analyze is the strength of the hug. and yes, these hugs come in degrees. the tighter the hug, the stronger the emotion. it is that simple. a person can tell you exactly what he or she wants to do to you, down to the location, position, and music, with this kind of hug. it sends the wrong kind of messages through the brain of the attacked, the subliminal ones that you won’t admit you are thinking right away but your conscience will remind you later, i promise you. if you ever experience these with someone you have even the SLIGHTEST curiosity for, then i suggest you run away or prepare yourself for some mental frustration. Kiss Factor: damn if i know. ain’t no telling with these kind of hugs.

so there you have it. hugs in a nutshell. ^_^ ]]> http://www.rozmichelle.com/journal/2006/07/the-principles-of-hugging/feed/ 2