It was after 2 am when she sashayed into my bedroom in black tights and a white tank top. Oh, and black boot heels, of course. Had to have her leather fix. Her hair was swept up into a high ponytail, fastened by what looked like a spiked dog collar hair clip, and she had on her signature candy red lipstick. I could see red bra straps peeking out of their place, and a few silver bangles decorated her arms. She arched her back and raised her arms to the sky as if stretching out a well deserved nap. We made eye contact as I lay in my bed, vacantly counting sheep. She yawned, smiled and sat on my bedside. I waited for her to speak.

“I painted my nails black,” I said, slicing the silence and closing my eyes as she relaxed on her back beside me.

“Black is a powerful color,” she said, slipping her hand into mine. “I watched you pick the polish. Good choice. Sexy.”

“I won’t lie. I love it. It just…fits. I feel a bit rebellious. Who knew nail polish could do such a thing.”

“It’s not the polish. It’s you. You’re getting used to the idea of me.”

I opened my eyes and turned towards her. There was just something that I had to know. “What took you so long to come to me?” I asked. “I mean…23 years and a heartbreak later, you show up in a dream. Why?”

She shifted and got under the sheets with me. “When you curse out people for their ignorance, or when you graduated from college with two majors when you could barely finish one, or when you pierced your belly button last summer just because… Was that you, or me?”

I paused. I guess I’ve managed to accomplish some bold things on my own, and I guess she was right there with me during those moments, too. I only recently was able to acknowledge her existence within me.

“Roz,” she said, taking out a stick of peppermint gum, “you are your best friend and worst enemy. Only you can hurt yourself. No one else can hurt you without your permission. The strength that you think I possess is simply the strength that you have yet to accept in yourself. I won’t be by your side forever. At some point, you have to let us become one. Right now, you’re just beside yourself.” She placed the gum on her tongue and chewed it slowly. “So…what’s up with the ring?” she asked.

I looked down at my left hand at my newest piece of jewelry. I bought it while in Philly waiting for my connection flight. It’s a sterling silver ring with a dime-sized heart on top, its center filled with a black stone. “As if you don’t already know. This was definitely influenced by you. I don’t know what made me buy it… I saw it and immediately fell in love with it. And when I tried it on, I just never took it off. Bought it just like that, with it on my finger. It makes me feel–wait…” I paused for a moment. This heffa must have known why I picked out this particular ring. “You picked it out for me, didn’t you? You were with me, in the jewelry store?”

She made that Mona Lisa smile again. “Well, it goes well with the black polish. Very good combination. That ring…You should wear it for as long as you need to be reminded how strong you are. You’re tougher than you realize. So, maybe I had a little to do with the choice.”

I smiled back. “Thanks, Dominique. It’s not going to come off.”

“Do what you gotta do. You feel stronger to me. I love your energy these days. Remember that you were hurt during your moments of weakness. It’s your moments of strength that you have to keep in mind.”

“I know. Thanks.” I played with the ring as she got out of bed and headed back to the balcony door. “Dominique?” I called, before she exited.

“Roz.”

“The black nail polish… Was that you, too?”

She smiled. “Nope. That move was all you.” Moments later I was alone again, but deep down, I knew that I wasn’t really by myself. I curled back up in my sheets and closed my eyes, ready to rest in preparation for another day.

my throat is grooved with the smoothness of a rope that can’t be seen. but it suffocates me all the more. i am lynched everytime someone supresses my thoughts, leaving me with sore skin everytime i remember the muting of my voice. no longer should i ignore the bass of my beliefs and the treble of my emotions, a dangerous combination when they rule in harmony in a room full of criticism. i have beautiful high notes to accomplice any arguement that counters my beliefs. i’ll pierce a soul so deeply that i’ll never be questioned again.

every mind i alter, every thought i change, reminds me of who i am. every feeling that is prevented from breathing, i induce into birth with contractions of pure love and clean spirits. my saliva is a truth serum that will set free the secrets of the earth. the winds whisper violently in my ears, telling me the lies that men try to hide deep down in parts of the earth that man has never seen. taste the electric touch of my lips and i will find the honesty that’s been stretched thin for so long in the realms of evil ways.

i’m familiar with watercolor-based minds whose pale-colored frames fade with wearing and time. i’m familiar, too, with acryllic-crafted souls that weaken and crack under peristant force and fury. i’ve learned to surround myself with only oil-based beauty, one that the turpentines of the earth would have to fight to erase. because i am created from the best of the earth: the reddest soils of ancient nile valley civilizations; the bluest skies trapped in the darkest of nights; the blackest of pupils that see the truth, and whose sockets well up with tears from the salty realization that the colors of america’s flag will never live up to the justice of my hues. because mine are the shades of the universe, ones that can’t be charted on a map of hexadecimal values.

i can sift through the complexity of any simple man, because what he presents to the world as enigmatic is merely a cleverly disguised human who is afraid to be found floating in the vulnerability of weakness. grains of sand from the sun scorched sahara seal my eyes during the moments i sleep. when the sun rises and awakens my soul, i am reminded of my undying devotion to the world. don’t tell me i can’t fly, don’t tell me I can’t soar. i drape this planet in a love that could never be extinguished. and one day, one enhanced step at a time, i will rid this place of the evil that plagues it.

tell me i’m not beautiful. tell me i’m not human. and i’ll stare you in the black of your eyes and tell you the truth you are afraid to face. I’m flawed in the most beautiful way possible. and still, my love survives.