[Definition compliments of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary.]

If you need to hear it from me, maybe because it was spreading through some rumor-infested vine or because you saw certain actions of mine that made you think this is true, then yes. I am mad at men. And I don’t have a problem with it either.

Now, I do not like calling myself an *Angry Black Bitch* because I’d like to think that the only word in that title of three that actually describes me a hundred percent of the time is the word “Black.” Other than that, I’d say I’m only Angry in the middle and a Bitch when the role fits. Allow me to elaborate.

If you fuck around and do something STUPID (which every man does in his life at least ONCE to every woman he encounters), then yes. You will most likely get a reaction out of me. See, it only takes ONE stupid mo-fo to mess it up for a woman. But I am a special case. Because I have had several stupid mo-fos enter my universe and throw off my balance on more than one occasion. Thus, I am a little more *bitter* about sh!t than other people. Most times, if I’ve experienced enough stupidity in one day, all the anger that I try to keep harbored in my middle just creeps out sometimes in the form of violent lashbacks; sometimes a few cursewords here and there, but I only use them when emphasizing what an idiot you are. Think of it more as…constructive criticism. I am not a mean girl. Thus, me telling you about yourself is not a mean act. It is merely me considering your need for improvement rather than biting my tongue and preventing you from hearing what an idiot you are and how you can better yourself. Really, you should thank me if you happen to experience one of my tirades. It will only make you a better person in the end.

Now, as for the aforementioned definition of the word *Bitch*…Interesting, isn’t it? Kind of harsh even. I must disagree with Merriam-Webster. I am in no way malicious. Angry, yes, because of past experiences, but not malicious. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt a man just because he has hurt me, and certainly wouldn’t hurt someone who hasn’t hurt me (rather, who hasn’t hurt me yet, because they always fuck things up in the end) just because some other idiot before him messed it up for everyone else. And spiteful? Overbearing? Why a bitch gotta be all of that?! I mean, why is it that everytime a woman speaks her mind (in a loud and violent way perhaps…but this is not the point), she is called a bitch for doing so?

Now all that the men of the world have to do is stop themselves from pissing me off. And really, it’s not that hard. I only have a few rules (few being a relative term, of course).

1. Think before you speak. DAMN. Sooo self-explanatory. If you’d just do this, you wouldn’t have to worry about me rolling my eyes or yelling at you because even you failed to comprehend what you were saying.

2. Actions DO speak louder than words. If you say you are going to do something, do it. And I have a damn good memory. Don’t think I’ll forget that you said you were going to do This but ended up doing some watered-down derivative of That instead.

3. Don’t lie. We see through that sh!t. And the few times we don’t catch your dumbass lying, it’s merely because we were still analyzing the possibility of you lying in another situation…and don’t think we forgot about it either.

4. Don’t call us bitches. Whether we fit the definition or not, is it NOT and never has been your place to call us such. Penalty is a slap, a curseout, and/or the occasional neck-twist for emphasis. If we are angry, it’s probably because YOU made us that way. So find out what you did wrong, and fix it.

5. WE DO NOT COMPLAIN. (note the definition of *bitch*, the verb, at the top). We are merely speaking our minds. We should NOT have to play your mother and clean up after you and tell you every time you make a mistake. You KNOW when you are wrong, so stop acting stupid. Learn to wipe your own ass for a change. And stop telling us we whine too much, because it’s probably something you are doing that is making us react that way.

6. Stop trying to be a *man* about everything. Chances are, you are making yourself look like more of a fool in the process. If you were a man, you wouldn’t have to try to be one in the first place. The qualities would just shine through you naturally…some have it, some don’t. Ooops; maybe you just aren’t one of them.

7. You are wrong; we are right. This is perhaps the golden rule of the bunch. We are superior to you in all things intellectual, moral, and in any way significant. Thus, if you ever come across those numerous times where you second-guess yourself, then just stop the headache right away and admit that you are wrong. Forfeit and accept your defeat. The world will be a happier, prettier place.

8. Get a Clue. The world does not and never did revolve around your conceited ass. Don’t nobody love you that much anyway, besides yourself. So really, stop acting like you are God’s gift to women, because I’m sure you can’t hold up an intelligent convo, don’t know the meaning of *continuous* romance, and probably aren’t that good in bed any damn way. So step ya game up before you step to something Classy.

So there it is. 8 Golden Rules. Just follow these, and show us love, respect, and interest, and you’ll be fine. Just stop messing up so much. It really makes your entire sex look bad.

On THAT note, I think i’ve spoken my mind for the day. And what a day it’s been.

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