The Principles of Hugging.

it's not that i'm immune to kisses. it's not that i'm far removed from hand shakes. i've just found, in a recent encounter with strong arms and a tight grip, that hugs must be the world's most pleasant human encounter out of all the simple ways to greet others. a hand shake is too impersonal; a kiss on the cheek reads sweet but not loving; a kiss on the lips is usually a silent definition of desire mixed with curiosity (which really is just a pureed blend of lust). but a hug, on the other hand, allows people to properly display exactly how they feel about you without being overtly sexual or in any major way offensive.
it was yesterday, before i got in my car to head home, that a friend of mine properly showed me how meaningful a hug can be. i won't even tell you exactly what the interpretation of the hug was, because that is simply neither here nor there. but i will give my opinion on what i'd like to call the Principles of Hugging. in addition to these principles, i've included a kiss factor that describes the appropriate kiss for a situation if it applies.

1. The Back Tap. I call this that ever-so-gentle pat on the back that people give others when they are greeting someone out of mere courtesy rather than caring. it usually involves one arm stretched behind the subject's back, with the bodies separated enough to leave personal room between the two. it is an impersonal, "hello and goodbye" greeting and i'd be slighted to even call it a form of a hug. Kiss Factor: one on the cheek, if even.

2. The Uncomfortable Grasp. This is that awkward hug that is almost forced for whatever reason. Sorta like when you know the conversation is ending but you don't quite know how to initiate the good-bye that preceeds the hug. Even harder is trying to figure out who should initiate it. these hugs are as annoying as they are common. it could be because you like the person and are shy, or it could be because you'd rather kiss them but want to try hugging them first to see what the chances of slipping a kiss in are, or maybe you just aren't that familiar with the person and don't know how to handle the situation. i say just say your good-byes and initiate the hug yourself to get it over with. Kiss Factor: shoot...if you even manage to get that far. if you succeed, it's probably going to be a peck.

3. The Lover's Embrace. do i really need to explain this? it's that annoyingly annoying (yeah, i said it) hug that two people who are sickeningly in love share...it probably involves kisses but who the hell can tell when they are so entangled like that? (ok, clearly i'm against couples right now. but can you blame me?) Kiss Factor: ....hm. take your best guess.

4. The Longing Linger. it could be because you haven't seen each other in a while, or maybe it's just that you love each other's presence so much that appreciating the hug before anything else is that important. i love these hugs; they are so genuine, because it usually sums up all the feelings that a person has for you in one single sweep of the arms. the more you've missed someone, the longer you'll hug them. Kiss Factor: something so long, soft and sweet that it's adorable.

5. The Hang-me-on. sometimes the hug is five seconds overboard; sometimes it's so long that you forget the need to let go. but with the Hang-me-on, someone is simply taking advantage of the damn situation. you may not even want to hug them, but they sure are making it clear that they want to hug you at a minimum. a tricky situation to get out of too... i usually pretend that something is itching my leg or that i've dropped something so that i have an excuse to bend down and thus free myself. (it works everytime.) Kiss Factor: some negative percentage that i need not specify.

6. the Silent Seduction. Bless the soul of anyone who experiences this hug. it is all types of dangerous. it is that grip of wanting that you can only escape once the person releases you. trust me, no dropping of imaginary objects or bites by imaginary bugs can save you from this one. you may as well enjoy it and i hope, for your sake, that it's with someone you want that kind of hug from. let's not even talk much about the length of the hug, which is long enough to remember but short enough to crave. what i really want to analyze is the strength of the hug. and yes, these hugs come in degrees. the tighter the hug, the stronger the emotion. it is that simple. a person can tell you exactly what he or she wants to do to you, down to the location, position, and music, with this kind of hug. it sends the wrong kind of messages through the brain of the attacked, the subliminal ones that you won't admit you are thinking right away but your conscience will remind you later, i promise you. if you ever experience these with someone you have even the SLIGHTEST curiosity for, then i suggest you run away or prepare yourself for some mental frustration. Kiss Factor: damn if i know. ain't no telling with these kind of hugs.

so there you have it. hugs in a nutshell. ^_^

The Five Categories of Male Classification

ok, back by popular demand...cuz people keep tellin me how much they love it on myspace... here it is!!!!


I have a theory that every man who is not a relative in a woman's life can be classified into one of five categories. They are in order of emotional commitment, with the last category being the most crucial:

1. The associate.
2. The friend.
3. The lover (AKA the Jump-off; take your pick).
4. The Best Friend.
5. The boyfriend.


ONE. The associate is someone that a woman says hello to when she passes him on the street. She may be pleased by his presence, but she forgets him the moment after. He is sometimes amusing, sometimes annoying, and sometimes an asshole. He is the man she may want to get to know more, or maybe she doesn't want a damn thing to do with him. He may even try to holla on occasion, but can one blame him? After all, women are the foundation of God's green earth. Why WOULDN'T he strive for such?

TWO. The "Friend" doesn't really exist, but it's nice to pretend that he does. See, all men want something. (It's a golden rule and should be printed in everything a woman reads and grafittied on every wall in the country.) Had most women known this before that first date/kiss/dick, she probably would have reduced her chances of heartbreak/anger/disappointment. But alas, he exists as a "Friend" so that women can know he's after something. It is up to women to find out exactly what it is.

THREE. The lover/Jump-off is the dude that a female can call on when she is in need of temporary satisfaction. The foundation of the relationship is intimacy, lust in its most simplistic form. There is rarely any emotional commitment. No "How was your day?"s or "Do you want to talk about it?"s. Her concern is strictly what is hidden by a pair of denim jeans and boxers. This relationship is strictly sexual. Now sadly, sometimes one of the lovers catches feelings all of a sudden, as if they wake up in the midst of an epiphany that tells them "You know, the sex is good, but MAYBE he/she has more to offer...", in which case the lover becomes wedged between the familiar sexual relationship and the anticipation of "something more."

FOUR. The Best Friend is that nigga. He's the man of the dream that a woman hasn't dreamed yet. He is everything she needs emotionally from a man, minus the intimacy and the committment. He may even be the perfect match for her, but she should be careful. Friendship may be the best thing for them. He is the shoulder she leans on, the chest she rests on, the ear she can lock all her secrets safely in. She may sometimes look at him and think to herself, "damn, he's pretty fly," and may on occasion want to test the limits of the friendship. But do not (and I repeat, do NOT) get sexual with the man because it will only complicate things in the end. The ONLY time the best friend and the lover combine is when you are in an actual RELATIONSHIP...which leads to my next and final category, the ultimate satisfaction:


...FIVE...The boyfriend. This is the man who, ideally, completes you. You can see yourself with him in the future, which says a lot. He is your soulmate. And if you CAN'T see yourself with him in the future, then quit the crap and stop lying to yourself because you clearly must be with the man because you are bored (which makes you the pathetic one), horny (which means you need to make him the Jump-off and save yourself the emotional commitment), or lonely (which means you need to work on loving your own company, and fast). The boyfriend should be the man who can one day evolve into the fiance, the husband, the father of your children...you get the idea. If you can't see that, then damn. Stop wasting your time.

Now some of you may be wondering where other titles fit in; for example, what happens to the men that women date, or the ex-boyfriends? Well, these are what I call in-betweens. The New Interest starts off as an associate. You don't know the nigga from Adam anyway, so don't get ahead of yourself. Remember that he has to work himself up to friend status before anything else (INCLUDING sex). Once you are friends, THEN he has the opportunity to pursue a serious relationship with you. Thus he is temporarily stuck between The Friend and The Boyfriend (or maybe between The Friend and the Jump-off, depending on what you decide his best assets are). But remember that it is up to the woman to decide where he fits, if he even fits at all. He may get dropped out the cycle all together and placed in the categories that need not be mentioned: The Stranger/Stalker/Non-existent Nigga That No Longer Has A Name.

...But that's another story :) As for the ex...if he's lucky, he may get reduced to Associate status, in which case he better be thankful to have that position. It's a demotion, but somewhere on your emotional rank of men nevertheless. He better take it and run with it.

Similarly, women can be categorized in such a fashion. But I'll leave that up to the masses to do 8)

two one

so i'm 21 now. and upon waking up the next morning (well, the next day because I definitely wasn't up in the morning) after a successful night of fun at a miami club with my girlz, i realized that it didn't really make that much of a difference. sure, i can go wherever I want and buy alcohol, but i was already able to get into my favorite clubs and i hardly drink alcohol anyway (unless you count last friday when I decided to get drunk for the mere second time in my life...but hey, i had a reason to celebrate). but it does feel interesting to show my ID to people now and have them look at me with a smile of recognition, some sort of smirk that reads "wow, you are finally legal; i remember those days." so, other than that, i feel pretty much the same, with a strange yet compelling feeling to be more responsible while remembering to have as much fun as i possibly can. i'm just trying to find a balance between the two. :)

random!!!!

okay, i apologize in advance for not feeling like writing a bunch of coherent sentences. thus, i figured I'd write a list of random-azz statements that have been flashing through my brain lately. this will give you a pretty damn good idea of just how much i think about in a day.

eminem is one angry dude. i am listening to my brother blast it defiantly through his poor desktop speakers. the moment them damn thingz bust is the moment i will be free from this too-blonde-for-tv psychopath with a record deal. (his music is ingenious, i'll give him that, but damn. too much of em is disturbing if you ask me.)

i'm a word collector. and today's fascination lies in the word himbo, "a man who is good-looking, but unintelligent or superficial." ...in other words, a male bimbo. yes, they do exist, now according to dictionaries worldwide. It's not exactly some shit i'd throw in my vocabulary persay, but the fact that it made it to the dictionary simply astontishes and depresses me. another word that can now be found in the dictionary is bling.... *sigh*. not a fucking thing can be said.

the sky vehemently spat at me today. why it was spitting, i don't friggin know. but i was personally offended. nevermind the fact that the entire eastern section of south florida was affected. point is, i was attacked by these evil rain drops that decided to contaminate me the moment i thought the sun was going to bless me with its presence. but alas! the clouds decided to drain themselves. bastards.

now, i'm not one to ask many questions. okay...maybe sometimes. but this is one i cannot go without asking: Why, oh WHY, is there a Guiness World Record for the Farthest Spaghetti Nasal Ejection?! Some dumb boy in new mexico holds the record for the longest spaghetti strand blown out of a nostril in a single blow. that, my friends, is friggin disGUSting.

nuff said. laterz! :)